Longing for Heaven

Every morning that my mom dropped me of at school during high school, I told her that I didn't want to go to school, I wanted to go to heaven and be with Jesus. Then, my reason for wanting to go to heaven was because I hated high school, at least freshman and sophomore year. Now, I long to go to heaven for a different reason. It seems that every time I open up yahoo, or turn on the news, or go to any other major form of media all that is being reported is the bad stuff. Lately it's been about shootings. There was been the theater shooting in Aurora last July. More recently there was the shooting in Newton, and I am constantly hearing about other shootings in colleges across the country. Quite frankly, I am tired of hearing of death, and evil, and corruption in our society. It just drives me crazy. Not to mention everything that is going on with the politics lately. I don't really know much about that, but I know whatever is happening cant be good.

Hebrews 13 says this, "For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come." (Hebrews 13:14 NLT) I am tired of living here on this earth. I just want to go to my permanent home in heaven and join with those who have gone before me. I have had this conversation with many people and more often than not their response is somewhere along the lines of, "but I want to get married first" or "I want to have a family" or "I'm not done living my life yet". And I tell them, well I want those things too, but if staying here to get married, have kids, and finish my life means that I have to endure death, pain, and suffering then I think I want to go to heaven where there is no death, pain, or suffering. I want to go to heaven where I don't have to work for a living, but can sit at the feet of my King and worship Him all day long. I get a lot of weird looks, but I don't care. I wasn't put on this earth to care about what others think of me.

No matter how bad any of us want to go to heaven, no one knows when God will finally call us home. In Matthew Jesus tells us this, "But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father."(Matthew 24:36 NIV) For as long as I remember I have been told that we are living in the last days. My mom says that she was always told that we were living in the last days when she was growing up. And my grandma tells stories of when she was young that they were living in the last days. That's three generations all living in the last days. I guess the only thing to do is wait here on earth as patiently as possible and continue sharing the gospel of Jesus.

Problems of a Biblically Knowledgable Girl in a Religious Class at a Jesuit University...

After attending my New Testament class today I realized that I really am not a fan of religious classes. The biggest thing that bugs me is the fact that everyone is on so many different levels. For example, today we were in groups talking about a few different passages in the Bible. One person in my group is Chinese and has probably never picked up a Bible and the other obviously knows his way around a Bible but doesn't understand much of it. And then here I am, with the Bible open to Romans 12:3-8 where it talks about being one body in Christ, and I already know what the passage is about and can answer the question that is asked of us because I have heard this passage preached on before. So basically after the other two people give their answers I give my, "Well, kinda, but its really more like this..." And then it clicks in their head. The whole situation brought to my mind an analogy that Pastor Nathan used a long time ago to illustrate how spiritually deep we were going into our discussions. When he wanted a more logical answer, we would be like say 2 feet deep in a pool. When he wanted something that required some thinking and possibly the stringing together of ideas, we would be say 6 feet deep in a pool. That's kind of how I felt today. Here I was out in the 6 foot deep end, and everyone else was still testing the waters in the wading area. I guess I just get to be the leader in this, which I don't like doing. I would rather just sit back and follow until something comes up that I disagree with. As Pastor Nathan would put it, I am being stretched again.

Road Trip!

Last week I was able to go spend some time with my second family in Jackson, Missouri. If you aren’t familiar with where that is, it’s about two hours south of St. Louis, so I was by myself in my car for a total of approximately 4 hours (two there and two back). And if you read one of my previous posts, you would know that in my car is where God and I have a lot of conversations, so I figured I would get something. Well on the way back I did. I had my iPod plugged up and I was listening to the playlist I had created especially for the trip. I was skipping through songs and I came across 7x70 by Chris August. Originally I skipped it, but God told me to go back and listen to it. So I did, and I figure I was going to get a lesson on forgiveness. I was wrong. By the time I was about halfway through the song, tears began to well up in my eyes and I didn’t know why.  At the end of the song it says, “I lost count of the ways you let me down, but no matter how many times you weren’t around, I’m alright now cause, god picked up my heart and helped me through.” Something clicked, and I was like I get it!  It doesn’t matter who has hurt you, or let you down, or wasn’t around enough, or whatever it may be that you want to fill the blank in with, God is there for you to turn to. There is no need to have a pity party for youself! Psalm 34:18 says, “If your heart is broken, you’ll find God there.” If you allow God to help you, he will! No matter what has broken your heart, He will pick up the pieces and mend it back together and help you get back to the place you need to be. I haven’t always been so willing to let God pick up my heart and put it back together. A lot of the time, I have left it on the ground and be angry or pull the woe is me card, but that didn’t get me anywhere, it only made it worse. It didn’t get better until I allowed God to come in and make things better, to help me work through my hurt. So, whatever you may be going through today, let God come in and help you through it!

The New Year Is Here!

Well 2013 has arrived. I can hardly believe that another year has begun. While 2012 has had its good moments; I am so ready to put it in the past. It’s become a tradition in our house and our church to fast for 21 days at the beginning of the year. This year I decided I would fast soda, certain food items, and anything fried. After fasting this way today, I just felt it wasn’t good enough and so did God. God told me that I needed to try harder. So, tomorrow after work I will be heading to the store to stock up on fruits and vegetables to start my Daniel Fast on Friday. With this fast, I hope to start the year getting closer to God and seeking answers to my prayers. If you haven’t considered fasting for this New Year, then think about it. It doesn’t have to be much, it could be your favorite food, or TV, or Facebook, or one meal, the list can go on forever. Whatever it is that you choose to give up, make sure it’s a sacrifice, and use that time to spend with God.

Happy New Year!!!

Trusting Him

This is what I talked about last Sunday during Sunday School:

My latest blog post was about how I have decided to give everything in my life to God and let Him handle it. And when I say everything, I mean everything; my hopes, dreams, desires, fears, doubts, everything. This is a big step for me, because I tend to pick these things back up again without even noticing. I thought I was doing a really good job at this, but I realized that I haven’t been doing as well a job as I thought. You see with everything that has been happening lately in our country, in my family, and with the people around me, I have not been trusting God in every situation. I just don’t understand how some of these things fit into Gods will, but it’s not for me to understand. Proverbs 3:5 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” Another version says, “Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own.” Clearly, I’ve been trying to figure everything that has been happening out on my own, and I can’t. That’s not what God has instructed me to do. That’s not what he instructed us to do. Yeah, it’s hard to go through life and wonder what God is doing, but He knows what he is doing. While writing this I am reminded of a picture that I found on Facebook a while back. 

I even put it as the lock screen on my iPod so I would see it daily and remember that God is in control no matter what happens. Well, that didn’t exactly work out as I planned because I am still worrying. As I think about worry I was reminded of Philippians 4:6-7, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” I always look up the verse in the message too, and I really like what is says, “ Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.” This verse makes it seem so simple to just give all of our worry to God. And you know what, I think it really is that simple, we just can’t exactly comprehend it. I’m not exactly sure why that is though. I mean God created the entire universe in 6 days. If he can do that, then I think he is capable of handling our problems, or worries. They may seem big to us, but they are small to him, its just a matter of learning to trust Him.

The Line Has Been Drawn!

Give this song a listen.

This song explains so much in my life right now. This is where I was, not even 6 months ago. I felt like I would try so hard, and then I would make a mistake, or do not do what God was telling me to do. I just couldn’t shake it. I kept trying to win on my own, and do everything on my own and I kept failing. Finally, I surrendered it all to God again. Yes, I said again. I cannot tell you, how many times I have surrendered my everything to God, just to pick it back up again and try to do it on my own. It makes me want to go back in time and yell at myself, “YOU CAN’T DO THIS ON YOUR OWN! HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU HAVE TO LEARN THIS!” But this time its different. I don’t know how to explain it. I honestly don’t even remember when this happened. I was probably in my car, on the way to school, because that’s where God and I talk the most. But I just feel so free! I have been changed! The old me, yeah, she’s gone. Seriously, I think back to who I was just a couple of months ago even, and I almost don’t recognize myself. Just about everything has changed. My thoughts, my attitude on life, I think my personality has shifted a little bit too. I mean really who would have thought that I, the one who used be afraid to pray in front of a group, would get up and tackle two nights of youth??? Not me. I figured that day would come, but I figured I would be older (although, some of the youth do call me old…).  I’m not saying I’m perfect though. I still have my days, and my problems, but it’s a lot easier to deal with when God is right there beside you saying, “Just give it to me, I can handle it.” I’ve drawn the line, the old me is dead and I can’t wait to see what God is going to continue to do with the new me. I know he is brewing something. I can feel it in my soul; I just don’t know what it is yet! I guess until he reveals it to me, I have to just wait patiently and seek him more!

And Summer Comes to an End

Well, tonight is officially my last night of summer! I spent the morning worshiping my King, the afternoon catching up on some TV, and this evening getting everything ready for tomorrow. As I reflect back on my summer it has been an adventure!

·      In May:

o   My best friend Sarah headed to China for around 8 weeks!

o   The fuel pump on my car went out leaving me stranded in the middle of Shackelford. Now that was SCARY!!!!

·      In June:

o   I had a nice day trip to Six Flags with Sam, Angie, the Jessica’s, and Alaina.

o   I went to camp as a counselor, which was SUPER FUN!!!!!

·      In July:

o   Sarah came home from China and Sam left for China, almost all in the same week.

o   My friends and I also had this awesome “Glow Party” which consisted of putting a bunch of glow sticks into a pool!

o   And then Sarah and her family came to visit! That made me really happy because I really missed her while she was in China.

o   In the midst of all of this, I studied for my Insurance Test.

·      In August:

o   Pastor Nathan challenged all of the Youth to carry our Bible everywhere we went, and of course as a sponsor I couldn’t let them have all the fun, lol!

o   Our Youth went to Louisville, Kentucky for National Fine Arts and I was privileged to teach Wednesday night youth for those who weren’t in Fine Arts. Now that was a hoot! (See previous post)

o   I attended a two-day class for my Insurance Test.

o   I took my insurance test and passed on the first try! Who would have thought I would be 19 and have my insurance license… Not this chick!

o   Then my car didn’t pass inspection, even after fixing all of the safety stuff. The fix? Just drive it… Finally it passed and its all good now ;)

See what I mean?  An adventure! Now it’s time to head back to college, and you know what, I am actually excited! Looking back at what I was feeling back when I started last year, so much has changed! That first semester was HORRIBLE!!!! I was just miserable. But, God brought me through it; He has brought me further than I ever thought possible, and He is still doing great things in my life. I know God is going to do great things this school year, I can feel it, and I can’t wait to see what it is! I am also excited to get in on taking my Bible to school! Since I have missed out on a good two or so weeks of taking my Bible to school, I think I’ll continue on through September!

 It's going to be a great year, and nothing is going to change that!!!!!!!!